Scared, Confused...

Well, these past two weeks, or this past month I should say, has really been the worst so far.
Despite the fact that really nothing happens in November, its just been a crummy month...
Yeah, I realize its over, but I also haven't blogged in a while.
Basically, I've never felt this way about anybody before.
I mean, my longest relationship was six months, and it was a complete disaster.
When I look back on it now, what was I thinking? I mean really...
But regardess, what's done is done. It was an experience.
The point is, currently, I've never felt this way.
It actually scares me a little.
But can someone really this good stay in your life, when someone from thier past is still in their present?
Will they just ruin it all?
Yeah, it may sound selfish...or rude, but at some point I just want a normal relationship.
Why is that so hard?
I am happy, I really am.
But if she gets in the way...It won't be pretty.

Been too long...

Wow, feels like I haven't blogged in a while now.

Think I should start blogging more often now.

Humber has really been keeping me busy, especially now with exams.

But regardless, I am in the best program I could ask for. I'm so lucky to have been accepted.

Things have never felt better.

I'm doing so well in school, I've made new friends, even found a new boyfriend.

Things are changing, and time is moving faster every day.

I'm trying to really live each day to my fullest, and trying to accomplish as much as I can.

Thankfully, this is the last week of exams, then I can relax and finally sleep in.

Our schedules are crazy!

Despite the fact that I really don't miss high school, one thing I can really say, is I miss my sleep. I used to get 8-10 hours of sleep a night, and now I'm lucky to get 6! Its been such a roller coaster right so far. But I'm not ready to get off...its just the beginning!

As for blogging, I'm back on and ready to blog! Man, I've missed this!

Exams!

Ah, here comes the FINAL stress of the year.

Exam time!

So thinking Acting Academy wouldn't be as hard, it turned out to be!

The exam is really hectic & its really a go go go.

Gotta move fast, lots of typing, & thinking.

A lot of planning, but its also a different exam.

We're so used to the same typical "sit in class & write" exams, that this is just so different.

We actually do a lot of work to put an amazing show.

In Spanish, I have completed & handed in my slideshow.

It was a simple, yet interesting exam.

Overall, this last semester has been UNBELIEVABLE & I have learned a lot.

Thank you Mr. Tobon & Mrs. Thomas for making my last & final semester SO memorable.

It will never be forgotten.

Class of 2010!;)

Los Angeles

So I have to say, my dream has finally come true.

I have visited the place I have always only dreamed of going

It was amazing; every second of the day I spent there.

From the malls to the beach, it was just amazing.

The best part of the whole trip was going on the Ellen Studio.

I have always loved that show & to actually walk on the SAME stage as Ellen, was just a dream come true.

Despite the night I got sick, everything was just perfect.

I mean, I did have higher expectations for the weather, but honestly I shouldn't complain.

It was raining here! -- LA was amazing.

I can honestly say that L.A is my new home. I am planning on moving there the second I get a chance.

Its somewhere I would love to call home.

Its PERFECT; words can't describe how I felt while I was over there; I have never felt better in my life.

That was the first, but NEVER the last time I'll be back!

CALIFORNIA GIRLS - Katy Perry (My song of the summer!) -- xo.

Summer 2010!

Hello Summer '10!

That time has finally come, beaches, tanning, shopping, & of course, no school!

I am definitly excited to sleep in this summer, & I can't wait to finally get my G2.

This summer my goal is to REALLY try something I would never ever think about trying.

Maybe Skydiving? Or Bungie Jumping? Maybe just doing something like taking Horseback riding lessons?

I really want to make this summer the most memorable summer ever!

Hopefully it will be super warm & sunny:)

from wonderland missions to sleepovers, I am hoping this summer will be the best yet!

Montreal maybe? Or maybe Cuba.

I am hoping to go on a week vacation somewhere this summer!

It would be amazing.

But regardless of what I do, I am just happy its summer.

Time to LIVE IT UP!

Summer 2010;

Final Moments...

So its finally the end.

Grade school has finally finished.

I am finally going to College; its scary just to even process that!

I have learned so much about myself these four years & I have changed a lot.

I am so much more mature than I was in grade 9.

Grade 12 was amazing, & I loved every second of it.

Acting Academy was definitly my highlight.

Mrs.Thomas really pushed us & taught us not just about a subject, but about ourselves.

I have never thought I could actually go for auditions & I never realized how many contacts there are here in Toronto.

It has always just been a fantasy to become an actress, but now I see that it doesn't have to be just a dream, it can really be reality & with the right contacts and the right attitude I can definitly reach my goals.

I am on my own from now on & if it wasn't for my amazing teachers & my parents guiding me all this way, I would not be who I am today.

I am so much more confident in myself than I was in grade 9, I really feel that I am ready to go to College & that there are so many amazing opportunities for me & that a new life for me has just begun.

I can't wait to start the beginning of something new.

Humber -- Here I come;)!

Change...

So many have asked "why did you go blonde?"
Simple.
I needed change.
I have been a brunette all my life & I just wanted to try something new.
I mean, that's what life is all about right?
Making mistakes, taking risks, trying new things?
So why do people always criticise?

Why do people bother with what you do?

you want a tattoo? You want a piercing?

So do it! -- You only live once, right?

Why not take that opportunity to do something you've always wanted to try.

If thats what people are telling us, & what we should be able to do,

if this is OUR life, why not?

I mean, I'm no rebel, but I just simply wanted to try something new.

It may not last forever, but why not play around?

So, I've decided to go blonde.

Its just a change, we all need that once in a while.

Its not too crazy, its not a bad change, its just different.

I mean, I decided I like it better than my brown hair, so why not?!

Why always question things? Sometimes its best just to try it.

So, I believe in change.

& for now, I will be a blonde!

Until next time... :)

Pretty Little Liars

Finally, after reading all 6 of the books, Pretty Little Liars is airing on tv!
Everytime I watch this season it makes me think of Los Angeles when we went to go in the Rosewood High School, it was just an amazing experience.
Overall, the books are BEYOND amazing & I can't wait to finish the very last one.
In regards to the shows though, they're really not that good.
Most of the actor's minus Aria look NOTHING like they do in the book.
Its such a disspointed because I have had such a different picture while reading the books.
Considering they're shows, and not movies, I was hoping they would really try and make it similar to the books, but unfourtunatly they're not at all. Certain scenes are so different and its just such a dissapointment because I was really looking forward to the shows.
I will continue to watch, but I am not impressed so far.
Overall, Aria is my favourite character, she is just amazing & if I could be casted as anyone it would definitly be her.
She is just amazing to play, & the girl they chose fits her perfectly (the only one that matches the book)
Well, I have learned something;
that the books are almost ALWAYS better than the shows or movies.
I will continue to read books first before I watch movies & tv shows, thats for sure!

SodaPopTour!

So last night was BEYOND incredible.

I won tickets from z103.5 to the SodaPop tour along with $100 gift certificate to Starbucks.

It was amazing. -- The concert was at the Hamilton Place & it featured Emily Osmet from Hannah Montana, The New Cities, Alyssa Ried, Jesse Labelle, WOW, & last but NEVER least, DANNY FERNANDES.

It was INCREDIBLE. -- I had a little cold, so I was trying to live it up, I was quiet most of the show, till Danny Fernandes appeared.

He honestly BLEW me away! -- it was AMAZING.

I COMPLETELY lost my voice after that performance.

I was screaming & crying so much, most of the younger kids didn't know who Danny was so they were ALL paying attention to me instead of him, it was INSANE. Haha.

He was wonderful & I CANNOT wait till his next concert on Wednesday;

I will DEFINITLY meet him:)

z1035

So I have been listening to this station for a few years now, & I can honestly say its definitly my favourite.

The announcers are so interactive & take their time out to reply & really get to know they're listeners.

To them, its not just a radio station, its thier life.

Whenever they have all ages events, I am always there, & I can honestly say they're so commited & so enthousiastic about what they do.

As an announcer, Tony Monaco is by far the best on the show.

He always replies to me & when I was applying for Radio broadcasting at humber, he gave me SO much imput & help.

I look up to him so much, and to me he is such an inspiration.

He has been working as an announcer since I was born, he is so experienced & has taught me so much I need to know about radio.

Without him I don't know if I would have been accepted to Humber; he has made such an impact to me & I am so thankful for all his help.

z1035 really plays today's hit music & its all the music I listen to.

From Hedley, BOB, & Danny Fernandes.

Its just amazing, & I love the contests as well.

I have won 3 times, & I will continue to.

I have won some amazing stuff, & I can't wait for more to come.

I definitly hope to work for this station in a few years!

Much love!(L)

Danny Fernandes

There is NO doubt that I had to blog about him.
I am definitly his number ONE fan; no one can compare.

I have LOVED him ever since his hit single. His brother is also SUCH a talented guy & he is so amazing.
I used to be Shawn's BIGGEST fan, & I'm still a huge fan,
but since Danny came out, I am
ADDICTED TO HIM.
I was the FIRST person to go out & BUY his CD; &I mean, who listens to CDs these days?
But, it's him; & he is worth absolutely ANYTHING.
Danny is AMAZING! &the ONLY CD I own is his.
I went OUT OF MY WAY to buy that CD & I adore it.
I just want him to know that his number ONE fan is out here,
& Yeah, I might not have changed my last name to "fernandes" on facebook, like the Justin Bieber lovers, but I know I'm his number one fan, and that I am REAL FAN & now I hope he does too.
Everytime his song comes on the radio, I TURN IT UP SO loud & its the only thing I hear and I sit there and BAWL my eyes out:); on z103.5 I'm ALWAYS requesting Danny & they ALL know how much I ADORE him.
He's honestly my FAVOURITE. & at Chingcousy park when he came to Brampton to perform, even though I heard he was having a rough day, he ROCKED the show.
I mean, I was the FIRST person there WAITING for him, JUST for him, on that RAINY day.
I was standing in the rain for over 6 hours for him, he is BEYOND incredible.
He brightens my day just by listening to his songs.
I'm reallllly hoping to meet him in person one day, but after BAWLING my eyes out & almost fainting when I saw him perform at Summer Rush & at Ching, I don't know if I'd be able to handle it;) But, it would be the best day of my life.
I loooove him SO much, he makes my LIFE, & I really hope that we'll be able to meet someday. Keep doing you're thing Danny, because you're GREAT at what you do, & don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
After he called me on May 28th, 2010 it was the best night EVER.
He was on Ustream & was calling some fans, I sent my number & he called me & told me he knew ALL about me.
I asked him how? -- While BAWLING my eyes out! & he said Tony Monaco ( z103.5 announcer)
Told him ALL about me; it honestly made my night. He knew exactly who I was & finally after FOREVER, on Wednesday I can finally meet him.
I don't know how that's going to go, but I can't wait to tell him that he has just met his NUMBER ONE fan;)

-- Danny's number one fan<3

Miss Congeniality & Miss Teen Brampton

This year, I decided to try something different.
I was sick of sitting at home, not trying new things.
Life is too short to do "nothing".
I decided to try Pageantry.
Though it was really expensive, my parents saw that I really wanted to do it & gave me that opportunity.
It all started with an email...
Miss Petite Canada 2009 sent me a message via facebook & told me to come try out,
I have been recruited.
I went to the studio in Toronto, and I had my interview.
It was a great success.
That same day, I found out I made it.
I got my sash, and I was off to a great start!
The whole experience was amazing and I learned a lot about myself & I am much more confident.
I met so many talented people & a lot of new friends.
Everytime I went to training I learned something new.
As we stayed at the hotel for the five days, we had our interview.
We prepared for two months for this interview, but as I went into the interview room, it was filled with smiling judges & a great atmosphere.
I entered very confidently, and smiled.
I introduced myself & the interview began!
After answering all the 7 judges questions, one judge said that I did an amazing job & that my answers were fantastic.
That really made me more confident in myself and I hoped that it would be a great success!
The best part of all this was the photoshoot, it really made me more confident & I have never done a photoshoot before so the fact that I had this opportunity was amazing.
It was done very fastpaced, & it was stressful at the same time.
All those clothing changes, all the hair and makeup checks, it takes time, but its hectic as well.
Showtime finally came around! -- I was definitly nervous but my family members came out to support!
Backstage we had our makeup & hair professionally done & then we had a practice run.
We are all ready for show time!
By the end of the night, we found out the winners.
Even though I didn't get a chance to represent Ontario, I am proud to say that I won Miss Congeniality -- as in, best interview & best personality out of ALL the teens, & Miss Teen Brampton.
I am proud to be represting my city, & I am glad that I got this far.
I learned a lot, & I hope to take this experience to bigger & better things!

She wants to feel loved

She loves him.
Its not hard to understand.
He loves.....
She believes.. that he loves the idea of her.
She tells him that she doesn't feel loved by him anymore,
and that something has to change because the love isn't mutual.
She explains that its only love physically

when there bodies are pressed against each other.
She then goes on, telling him that its only the physical love that's being shared.
She doesn't like it
She doesn't want anyone but him,
and she looks back on all the memories they had, all the laughs.
She then sits and giggles to herself,
remembering all the good times they had when they were happy, when things were perfect between them.
Where it would just be them, sitting down, resting her head against his chest...
laughing!
About anything and everything that caught their eye.
when they sat together and he would try to say stupid jokes that only she would laugh at, and he would look at her with this face only she knows.
This face would explain what hes thinking at that very moment.
"I don't get the joke, its not that funny" as he has a smirk on his face because theres no other smile in the world that makes him smile,
knowing that him and his girl are together smiling and laughing as one.
Its his laugh that makes her laugh,
its his smile that makes her smile.
And knowing that shes smiling and laughing, makes him believe that hes finally doing something right.
He tells her,
I don't need to sit here and tell you your beautiful everyday,
because you already know it.
I don't need to kiss you every minute when were together,
what are we proving?
I don't need to hold your hand,
we don't need to prove anything to the world, or people around us.
He continues,
I don't need to tell you things that you know each and every day how i feel about you!
We are together, we don't need to prove nothing to anyone but ourselves.
She stops, and thinks.
And she understands exactly what he means,
she doesn't want to fight, she doesn't want to break up.
She would rather fight with him then kiss someone else.
She knows that no one will be like him, she knows she wont be able to find someone like him in her life.
Its that Kind Amazing Type of Love.
So she says again.
She loves him
its not hard to understand
He loves....
She believes... that he loves her.
Different ways of showing love. And each couple has it.
Its not saying i love you every time there together or on the phone.
Its not kissing every 5 minutes.
Its the little love and affection they show that only them will be able to understand.
She wants to feel loved,
and his love is the only love she wants.


He is hers,
and She is his.
Its just that simple!

Taylor Swift Concert

So a few weeks ago two of my best friends, Samantha Nobre & Samantha Rideout had an extra ticket to the Taylor Swift concert so they asked me if I'd like to join them, I obviously could NEVER turn down that opportunity! Nobre's brother, Nicholas, drove us there & he also joined us.

Kellie Pickler was the opening act & she did an OUTSTANDING job.

She is so talented & just completely amazing.

Once Taylor Swift came on she was just wonderful.

She is without a doubt my favourite singer.

I honestly idolize her.

I can relate to all her songs on many different levels.

She is truly inspirational & everything that she sings about is real life.

She sings about every girl's problems & we can really relate to.

After her concert, we all bought her shirt & the next day wore them to school.

I can't wait for her next concert cause I'll be there for sure!

Lonely...

I'd rather be alone than feel used,
I'd rather be alone than having to deal with liars
I'd rather be alone than having to deal with stress
I'd rather be alone than to fight with you every day
I'd rather be alone than having to deal with YOUR insecurity issues
I'd rather be alone than being confused
I'd rather be alone than having to guess how i'm suppose to feel
I'd rather be alone than to sit and worry every night
I'd rather be alone than having to explain myself for every situation
I'd rather be alone than by myself with a room full of people
I'd rather be alone than to sit and cry every night
I'd rather be alone than to get used
I'd rather be alone than to be cheated on
I'd rather be alone than to loose my self confidence
I'd rather be alone than to loose my own self esteem
I'd rather be alone than to sit and blame myself for everything
I'd rather be alone than to worry
I'd rather be alone than to simply fail
I'd rather be alone than to be lied to
I'd rather be alone than to be up all night wondering
I'd rather be alone than to sit and guess...
I'd rather be alone than to loose all hope
I'd rather be alone than having my heart get played with
I'd rather be alone than to have my trust broken
I'd rather be alone than to be crushed
I'd rather be alone than to have my heart stolen and plans crushed
I'd rather be alone than to be broken down
I'd rather be alone than to loose something i worked hard for
I'd rather be alone than to tell the same broken story
I'd rather be alone than be one of your another girls
I'd rather be alone than be embarrassed by your actions
I'd rather be alone than be hurt.
Stupid boy.

Humber College

So finally, after all that planning, & thinking about what I want to do with my future I have finally decided what is best for me right now.

Ryerson University was always my first choice, but after talking to professional radio announcers & hearing imput from others, & the price, really impacted my choice.

I have decided that Humber is the best way to go for first year, just to see how it is like.

I am planning on going to Humber College first year to see the enviornment and just see what it is like, get a job, and save up money & switch to Ryerson the year after & live on residence.

I hope for the best in Humber College & Im really looking forward to meeting new people & joining the cheerleading team again like I have been in Fletcher's.

Humber, here I come!;)

Junos

So I watched the Junos this year & I thought that they were amazing!

I believe that everyone had amazing performances & that all the winners completely deserved it.

So as most people heard, Danny Fernandes kind of messed up while presenting an award.

A lot of people & the media were making a big deal out of it.

They were talking about it on z1035 & the reason why he made the mistake was simply because he didn't wear his glasses & couldn't see the script.

I believe that it wasn't his fault & that everyone makes mistakes.

On twitter he simply stated that "the media was taking it overboard" & I completely agree with that.

The media really takes things & exagurates it & sometimes even the famous need a break.

Despite that, I really enjoyed Drake & Justin Bieber's performance, it really stood out & they are really both making a big breakthrough as amazing Canadian artists.

I absoloutly can't wait for the next Junos!

Until next year!:)

Domo's visit

When Domo came to our class he really stood out & we definitly learned a lot from him.
He was very out going & really easy to talk to.
He is someone that talks from his heart and everything he said was really useful & something that I could apply to myself.

He taught the class a lot about just listening to your heart & not your mind.

Just really being successful & being yourself.

He really opened up to us and told us a lot about himself.

When you look at him, he doesn't seem like he's had a bad past, but I've learned not to judge a book by its cover. Overall, he has gotten so far in life, and it has really impacted me & he really influenced me into doing whatever it takes to get to where I want in life & I will apply everything I learned in order to achieve my goals.

The fact that he knew Donald Trump really stood out to me, and I thought that was really cool & it was really a big deal.

He is someone that I really want to keep in touch with because he is really out going and someone that is a good contact as well.

He really inspired our class & I really liked that he came to our class.

Experience in Challenge #2

We got our second challenege at school & it was to find an actor, acting school, acting agency, & an acting film producer along with a photographer.

Right when we got this assignment I knew I had a contact.

We all decided what we were going to do & how to get it done.

I automatically decided to get contacted to my old acting coach & family friend

Jasmin Geljo.

He is a professional actor in Serbia & Canada.

He is well known in Serbia for a lot of his movies & shows.

Here he is known for leads in Train 48 & Blue Murder.

He has done a lot of work & has taught me a lot about acting as well.

Once I told my parents, they set up a date & took me to meet up with him.

We all sat down at a Cafe in Downtown Toronto called California.

We talked about acting & what I want to do in the future.

Just by sitting there & talking to him after so many years, & just for those 2 hours,

I learned so much.

It was such an organic moment.

He told me that here in Canada it is very hard to get acting gigs & jobs.

He decided that here in Canada he didn't have much to do, & that he is going to go back to Serbia.

He told me that in Europe, acting isn't just about the busniess,

it is about the craft itself.

He told me the importance & he gave me a few contacts as well.

He is such an inspiration to me & I hope that he will always be someone I can go to.

Olunike's Visit

On Thursday, Olunke came to our class.

We had a lot of preparation to do in such a short time but we all got it done.

By the end, it looked amazing!

Once Olunike arrived, we all introduced ourselves.

My first impression of her was that she is a very stunning woman.

She was such a sweetheart too!

Once we started asking her questions I realized that she is really incredible & she has done so much!

From raising a daughter, to acting all over the place, she is such an inspiration.

What I really took from that whole experience is when she said "you have to know yourself & people won't take advantage of you"

I realized that at some point in my life I really have to find out who I am & say "yeah, this is ME"

Everything that she said was very organic & powerful.

To star in so many things, and to really become someone is a big deal.

I can easily say that after Thursday she is truly one of my inspirations.

First Theatre Excursion

On Wednesday, we went on our first theatre excursion with the Acting Academy class.

It started off us leaving from the school at 11am and we got to the theater very quickly.

Once we got there, I noticed that there were a lot of elderly white folks there as well.

Once the play got started, we were all seated & it began. It start it off very fast paced & interesting.

I was a very interesting play & I loved every minute of it.

It really opened my eyes & I realized certain things that Aboriginal people go through.

A lot of people spend time with their own cultures & the most populated cultures, rather than others' that they barely noticed -- like the aboriginals.

I loved the quick & simple transitions and everything from the simple guitar and the barely any costume changes was just exquisit.

After the play, we went to the Eaton Center.

It was quite busy & I couldn't wait to go shopping!

Samantha & I headed off to Abercrombie right away

But unfourtunatly I couldn't find anything that really caught my eye.

After that we went to Hollister, but it turned out to be the same,

there was nothing I really wanted...or needed.

After that, we went to Starbucks.

There was quite a miscommunication there though.

What happend was, I orded a grande caramel Frapaccino.

A lady before me ordered a tall mocha frap. -- too bad I missed that.

What happened was, one of the workers asked me if I ordered a frap, I told her yes.

She said it was ready, so as I tried it, I realised it wasn't what I ordered.

It did NOT taste like caramel.

So I went back & I realized that she gave me the wrong order.

Since the lady before me didn't want to drink that, I got the tall frap for free.

&I got a tall caramel frap, so I told her i didn't order that.

once again THE WRONG order.

So finally, after 30 minutes, I ended up getting my right order.

But behind us, was a girl from our school, she also ordered something,

& of course, they screwed that up too.

Overall, it was pretty hectic, but it worked out in the end!

After that, we got Dan & Theo to take us to Forever 21.

I saw some really cute stuff, but didn't end up buying anything.

Overall the day was amazing & I had a very organic day.

Million Dollar Baby

So this march break we were told to watch an Academy award winning movie.
I chose to watch Million Dollar Baby which has won 4 oscars.
The movie overall was about a poor thirty-one year old waitress from the very lower classes and with a dysfunctional loser family, and she decides to make a difference through boxing. She convinces the experienced hardened boxing trainer Frankie Dunn to coach her and be her manager, with the support of his old partner Eddie Scrap-Iron Dupris, who sees her potential as a boxer. Frankie has a problematical relationship with his daughter, and practically adopts Maggie along her career; in the end...well I won't give that away for those who haven't seen it!
But overall, the movie was amazing and completely inspiring.
It taught me that you should never give up on something even if people tell you that you aren't capable of it.
I personally didn't enjoy the ending; I was hoping for a Hollywood type ending where everything turns out okay in the end...
but unfortunately that didn't happen.

I was kind of hoping that there would be a miracle & that everything would work out, but this movie didn't end like that.

Thing is, Im not used to watching movies like that...

Im used to the typical "happily ever after" types of movies...

&I was hoping for that, but unfourtunatly, that did NOT happen.

It was very dissapointing & really made me cry.

But after I have reflected on it & had a very organic moment with my dad,

we discussed the movie & I understand that the movie was just being realistic..

& getting us outside of this "bubble" that we live in.

Everyone hopes for that happily ever after, but in reality life is NOT like that

& this movie really showed that.

Maggie shows us in this movie that she had her moment in the world;

she had a chance that many didn't get, and that many could never get there,

she got a chance to play boxing...

from being poor & living in a dysfunctional family to becoming a professional boxer with her moments in fame.

In the end, I realized that that was her purpose, & that was ALL she wanted to do,

it didn't matter to her that in the end she died because she had completed what she was meant to do.
I give the movie 4/5 stars and I believe that it was incredible and wonderful acting as well.
I recommend that everyone should see this movie and it was truly inspirational.

Realizing Ryerson

So I just got back from Ryerson University,

It was an amazing opportunity to be able to see it in person.

Ryerson is my first choice for Radio&television broadcating.

I hope to have a chance to live on residence.

After this experience today, I realize that this school is definitly a school in which I can call

HOME.

I feel it, and I even met the cheerleading team & hope to continue with cheerleading in Ryerson.

To be apart of that University would be a dream come true.

I really enjoyed my stay but it was not long enough.

Everyone made me feel welcome & I really hope to attend in September.

This school is filled with many cultures and many different events.

It is in the center of downtown Toronto in a wonderful location.

To me, this school is everything I have wanted.

Overall, my decision is between Humber College & Ryerson University.

I have already been accepted to Humber College so I definitly hope for an acceptence to Ryerson.

My heart is set for this Unniversity and I hope that they will like what they see

& I will be accepted.

Once accepted, I hope to achieve all my goals, and continue to strive to reach my goals now to make that dream a reality.

Now that I look back on these 4 years of highschool I really wish I had worked a bit harder & put more effort in my work so I really would not have to worry about being accepted at Ryerson, but since I made that mistake all I can do now is go forward and really try in the last few months of high school left & make the best of it, because you never know what can happen.

Overall, I had an EPIPHANY when I entered the school & I knew automatically that this is where I would LOVE to call home.

So I hope that I will have an opportunity to do that, because it would be such a wonderful goal accomplished.

But for now, I gotta make the best out of what I have, so I will strive to do the hardest I can and see what happens from there.

Academy Awards!

So just watching the Oscars, everyone looks stunning!

As much as people believe that Sarah Jessica Parker is ugly,

or they dislike her, I am a HUGE fan & I believe that she looks amazing today

wearing Chanel Coutoure. Looking completely FAB!

So far, everyone looks amazing.

George Clooney; he's wonderful!

"You get an Oscar, no one really cares; sexy, it opens doors for you" - George Clooney!

Haha, gotta love him.

Meryl Streape looking stunning, along with JLO!

Miley Cyrus looks perfect!

Loooove Demi Moore's dress.

Queen Latifah looks beeeeeautiful!

But as of right now, JLO is best dressed for sure!

Like always, loving them all.

Overall, everyone is looking great & cannot wait for the awards!

So much to say, so little time!

We'll see what happens next...

Congrats to all the nomanies & winners tonight!

They all deserved everything.

Stunning & talented.

So insperational.

Pre-Production;

So basically,

we have had our pre-productions for our branding.

It was hectic for sure,

it was also a great learning opportunity.

We had our ups and downs for sure,

but in the end we did it.

This was my first time branding,

so honestly I didn't know what to expect.

At first, we were all looking forward to it,

of course, things were going wonderful.

It took our group quite some time to figure out a name that we all agreed on.

Once we were back on track, we decided to bring a list of names for our production the next day,

we have started from scratch!

So then on Monday, we all bought a bunch of names and narrowed it down,

we have finally thought of EPIPHANY; it was different,

unique

and just what we were going for.

Our colours were easy & we got them figured out.

Then we started filming,

we had some great ideas, but some if it took too long to figure out,

our ideas didn`t seem to fit.

We took too long to figure out what we wanted to do,

there wasn`t enough time to fix it,

so theeeeeen

after a while of preparing, we have gotten all our videos together

& in the end that was our best work!

After that was completed,

we had went on to ambience.

We had a couple of problems,

like all bringing the supplies we needed,

but in the end we got through it & pulled it off.

M.I.A? Nope!

Wow, so I need to catch up on some blogging! I haven't had time to blog in a while.
These past two weeks have been so hectic.
A lot changes in just two weeks...
We had branding in my Acting Academy class,
it was a wonderful experience.
I have never done it before,
so the fact that it went so well really motivated me
& I can honestly say that this course will be the highlight of my grade 12 year
I am loving every minute of it
& I beleive that by the end of this course I will be stronger
as a person & actor.
I hope to only learn about myself & really influence others.
Im excited to see what happens next.
& I can get back on track with blogging.
Hopefully Im making the right decisions & making memories as much as I can.
I wanna live it up!
Well, here it goes,
back on TRACK!

Idol

What is an idol?

Well, to me an idol is someone that stands out.

Someone that I look at & say, "wow, they are talented"

Someone that is memorable & not forgotten.

I believe that everyone looks for their own type of idol

&someone that really makes an impact on them.

I am sitting here, watching American Idol.

&During the whole two hours that I have been watching this,

what really stood out to me,

was when Simon said, "everyone is trying to be the same, they're all coming out here singing the same types of songs & I can tell you who you sound like by me just listening to your voice without even looking at you...we are looking for someone unique and different & thats whats going to make it win"

That stood out to me because if an idol to someone is suppose to be a preson that stands out,

&if everyone that tried out for American Idol is all the same,

Then why do they put them through?

It shouldn't be about the better voice, it should be about being different,

but having an amazing voice as well to make that happen.

If everyone is always the same, why put them through?

How do you determine who is the next idol & who isn't?

As much as people bash Simon, I believe that he is very educated & the most honest

throughout the whole show.

So to me, right now within American Idol,

I believe that they should really try harder to stand out,

because right now everyone is doing the same thing.

Dear Boy

Dear boy,

this one's for you.

For you because I could never let it out.

I couldn't open up.

I won't open up.

I won't tell you how I feel,

because I know you don't understand.

You don't see what I'm seeing.

you are clueless.

We talk, every night.

You tell me everything,

you tell me things people have never took the time to tell me.

You let me talk, & you listen.

You listen to all my rants,

my stories,

my feelings.

You get me, like no one else has.

But no matter how much you talk to me,

Im still invisible.

Are you blind?

Can you not see,

is it not obvious enough?

you did hurt me.

& I really like you.

Or so I thought I did.

Dear boy,

I'm letting you know,

because I can't face you.

Everytime I see you,

I think of an excuse to walk away.

Especially when she's with you.

You say you're over her.

But I see the way you look at her,
the way you talk about her,

you're in love with her.

Don't try to hide it, cause I see right through you.

So you think you can just use me,

&then tell me,

"you don't want anything"

So is that all I am to you?

A game?

A game that you think you're winning?

Well guess what?

I've got you figured out.

You're not winning

because the game

is over.

So all I have to say,

is that you've had your chance.

& Now, its too late.

You blew it.

So don't come back

& act like everything is the same,

because its not.

Nothing is ever the same.

& neither are you.

What we had was short,

but its over.

& So are my feelings.

They're over you.

So dear boy,

I just wanted to say,

thanks.

Thanks for making me a stronger person

because of you, I have high expectations,

because of you, I will prove you wrong,

because of you, I will be better than she ever was,

I will make you miss me,

because, I know you will.

So girls,

if you fall, make sure he'll be there to catch you,

other wise, you're left with a headache,

& no one willing to help you up.

Sincerly,

Nevena

"He looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see" - Taylor Swift

Unknown

Unknown

One simple word.

That can mean so much.

What does it even mean to be unknown?

Is it something that we really want to be?

No, of course not.

But then how do you make yourself known?

Sometimes I feel that my life is nothing but a routine.

Same thing over & over again.

Go to school, go home, eat, do something "productive", homework, shower, sleep;

&something like that every day.

Nothing but the same routine.

So what do I do?

Today, the power went out, for about 30 minutes.
Honestly, I sat there, wondering what I was suppose to do now.

You never know how much you actually depend on technology till its gone.

But why? I mean, why are we letting it take over?

Is it all we know?

Well thats not what I want to know.

I want to know who I am, & my purpose.

I want to have a meaning.

I always tell myself, today will be the day,

today I want to change, I will change.

Do I?

No.

I don't, simply because I don't know how, how do I wake up?

How do I wake up from this "normal" society where everyone seems to be the same?

With all the same personalities & styles?

Do I want to be a part of that? No.

I want to be unique.

I want to be different.

I want to make a difference.

I want to break out from a "routined" life & do something unique.

Maybe even rebelious.

Something that I can look back on & say,

"damn, I can't believe I did that"

I want to feel that adrenaline rush.

I want to be known.

"When your life flashes before your eyes, make sure it's fun to watch!"

Branding

Branding

I think of it as a way to emphasis me

&who I am

&what I want to be known for.

It is something that should stand out

Something that will be

remembered

I love the idea of creating an event for our group to brand ourselves

because I know everyone has their own ideas,

thoughts,

& ways of presenting.

I believe that working with different people

&really focusing on how we want to be branded as

will make us think of our

creative

& dynamic

side

Its a great way to show everyone

"this is us & this is how we want to be remembered"

we want to leave a mark, before someone else does.

Everyone wants to be unique, & different.

We all want to strive to do our best, & make ourselves known.

But everyone has different ways of doing that.

It will be a great way to see how everyone takes a different approach on their situations

&What happens next.

For now, we are strong & will will rise to the top because we will be

unique,

powerful,

interesting,

& we will stand out.

The Vision Thing

In class, we read an article called the Vision Thing, by Karen Kondazian.

This article really stood out to me & I gained a lot of knowledge from it.

What really stood out to me throughout this whole article was when Dr. Maurer stated,

"It all boils down to how you define success. Most people get trapped by defining success as what they acquire in life. It's about their possessions, how much money they earn, their titles, their credits."

To me, success is something that many people strive for all their life.

Success is something that is very hard to define.

It all depends on what it is you want to achieve.

It is to set a goal for yourself & strive with all your strength to complete it.

That certain quote stood out to me because it is something I strongly believe in.

It is something that everyone should strive for and really decide what goal is to be reached.

I believe that everyone has a different goal set and to everyone should do their best to achieve those goals in any way they believe.

It really made me see that success isn't measured by what you have or how wealthy you are,

but how you make a difference.

I beleive that everyone should make a difference and succeed in whatever they are passionate about.

No matter what.

Being in the Moment

So a few days ago in class,

we have start talking about what it means to “Be in the Moment”.

I believe that there are numerous ways in which we can go about this topic.

Being in the moment can essentially mean to be in the present.
What that means is everything that is being done is in the present, such as:

eating,

sleeping,

or any type of action.

It can also mean while you’re in the present,

you are acting as you are using different aspects of your own life

or using empathy to create a moment a character has weather it is angry or happy

– any mood for that matter.

Being in the moment is also escaping your head,

in other words just concentraiting on one thing and react within a certain situation.

Being in the moment is having no time to think

and just reacting

because if you overthink things then it could turn out that it won’t feel in the moment

and it will not be organic.

Being in the moment can also mean to become a scientist in your mind.

In the class, we have been reading an article called The Vision Thing by Karen Kondazain

and just by reading this article I can connect it to being in the moment

because if you are really interested in getting to the truth of what is happening in ones mind during certain points in their life

and how they deal with it by being in the moment.

Overall, being in the moment is taking action and reacting

in the moment.

Best Friends

You have been through the thick and thin.

You have been there for me through everything.
Sometimes I envy you, other times I need you.
At the end of the day, I will be there for you, no matter what.
But lately, it's been bugging me.
Am I not good enough?
Should I be a better friend?
Is what I am doing not enough?
I want to be there through everything, but I feel M.I.A
Am I?
Somtimes I feel lost, and confused.
Maybe its just me, maybe I don't see it.
But maybe you do.
We've been through lies & betrayals.
We've been through love & lust.
I am leaving in a few months.
Will things change?
Will we still be there?
With all that we've been through, will you still be there
When I need you the most.
If I am ever crying in the middle of the night,
will you still answer, like you did back then.
Back then when we played barbies and dolls.
When boys had cooties and we would laugh at them.
Back then where we didn't care about the world?
When everything was just fun and games.
Will you still be there?
Be there to laugh at my jokes?
Be there to share memories?
Be there to be my best friend?
Because sometimes, all I need is you.
Best friends Always?
Forever.

Complete Stranger

You weren't someone that I thought you were.

You're one of those people who assume they know me.

They think they know me, but they don't.

They assume I'm weak, they assume I'm scared.

Well, I'm not.

You don't know me.

You don't know what I am capeable of.

Don't underestimate me.

I can be defeated, but I can also defeat you.

You sit there, wondering, "what is wrong with her?"

Oh, boy please.

There's nothing wrong with me,

but maybe you should look in the mirror once in a while.

Then you'll see, what is hurting me.

You act so innocent, and sweet.

That smile you flash accross your face.

Those stories you tell.

Those games you play.

Well, I refuse to fall for you

I refuse to fall,

because I know, you won't be there to catch me.

We smile together,

we laugh together,

we share together.
But at the end of the day,

we're two different people.

Expecting two different things.

It drives me crazy that you don't understand.

& I sit here, with a smile across my face, saying "it will be okay"

When deep down,

there is nothing,

nothing to be hopeful.

Because at the end of the day,

you are nothing but a stranger.

a stranger.

Yes, thats all, I know that.

But yet, I can't let go.

I seem to be holding on, for what reason?

Not even I know.

But I guess I believe in something...

Something that may not exist.

Am I stupid? Foolish? Maybe.

But do I give up? No.

Should I give up? Maybe.

You may never figure me out

but boy, I've got you figured out,

from head to toe.

So please,

Don't play games,

because games aren't my style.

But for now, all that I believe is that you in fact are

a stranger.

&You will regret it.

Hope; is there any?

The way I see it

Is that there is no hope

I mean, what is hope?

Something that we can hold on to for only so long?

Something that we have to wait on forever?

We wait for something that potentially may not happen?

Wait for what?

What is worth the wait?

What is the point of hope?

Don't all good things come to an end?

So why are we going to waste our life waiting?

Hoping

Wondering

for something, that may not happen

so what are you waiting for?

is it worth it?

don't waste your time if you're not a hundred per cent sure

because, life is short

&you should live life to the fullest

doing things you don't have to hope or wait for

they all just come

naturally.
Or so I thought...
Well, I saw Shawshank Redemption over the weekend,
& honestly, that movie has opened my eyes.
I have never been so inspired in my life.
I realized that no matter what challenges we face in the world,
it can't be as bad as what other people in other countries are going through,
we should take time to thank god & our family for what we have,
because we never know how much we have till it is gone.
Then what's the point of it all?
Nothing.
There is no point in anything, if you don't have hope.
Hope is something that is suppose to push you to succeed
where you won't give up,
& you just keep going & going.
Even though Andy & Red didn't have anything to live for,
even though they were sentenced to life in person,
they still survived, & when they got out, they really made it worth the while.
Even though Red was lost in society, he had someone to turn to,
& help to get him far,
most of all, he had desire,
& he had
Hope

Heres to you

Heres to you.
For everything I thought you were.
You were innocent & young.
I only knew you so well.
You were someone I could really talk to
Someone that I never made fun of or found annoying
or even turned away, just because others did.
I was there for you whether you knew that or not.
But now, now I don't even know you.
I hear things, these rumours that are being spread.
Who are you?
I thought I knew you.
I may be mistaken.
So, this one is for you.
Why did you put up with him?
Why are you letting him hurt you?
Is it really love?
Or is it just obsession & overpowering?
Some may say "she loves him" but how can it be love?
Does she not see, what is being done to her?
Why won't anyone stop it?
Because they're afraid?
She got herself involved?
How was she to know that it was going to come to this?
She DIDN'T. I refuse to believe these rumours.
I hope you show up one day, with a smile on your face.
A lot say "I wouldn't be surprised if she was dead"
How can you even THINK about that?
Why won't anyone just step up, SPEAK up.
I hope she realizes what she is doing.
&if you ever even read this, if you are out there & you are okay...
I hope you know, you are strong, brave, &lonely.
Get help, because I know someone will lend a hand.
I may not even cross your mind, but today you have crossed mine.
So, heres to you.
You were on my mind today,
But I hope that you'll be okay.

This, is for you.
xo.

Life; 4 words, countless definitions

Have you ever stopped to think, why are YOU here?

Well, this question has crossed my mind numerous times & I honestly don’t know.

I mean, we all die in the end, right? So why are we here?

What is OUR purpose in life today, everyday for the next multiple years?

What is the point of so many people struggling to get through certain things like poverty, illness, and even the simplest things like school, if we are all meant to die in the end? Why do we get grounded? Why do we do certain things like fight & back stab each other, when in the end we die anyways? Why do we cry? So many questions, but yet no one has given me an answer. So Im going to go ahead & try to answer this in one way; in my way.

I believe that the reason why we are created in this world IS to gain that experience as a human, and really create a purpose for yourself. Sometimes you may stop to think, & really wonder why you are here. But everyone is here for a different purpose & chance. All we get is one chance to create that purpose.

So are you going to take a chance?

Will you leave a mark in the world before someone ELSE does?




All good things come to an end - Nelly Furtado

The Start of Something New!

So I’ve decided to try something new!

Since I’ve been told I talk a lot, I decided to voice my opinion and share my thoughts through one thing, one way:

BLOGGING.

This will be a great way to express my emotions and thoughts and for people to actually read about the real me & my real feelings.

Its a great way for me to really be me & for others to simply interact with me on a different level.

Im not here to trash anyone or offend; just simply stating my opinion.

So, this is going to be all about my life & experiences;

naturally; nevena - xoxo.